Strangers in the Night (Psalm 95; Ex. 17:1-7; Rom. 5:1-11;Jn. 4:5-42)

A stranger approaches Jacob's Well at high noon. He is tired and thirsty. There he meets a woman who has come to draw water. Something happens between them. . . . The original readers of the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman must have felt themselves on familiar ground. The scene and characters would have wakened resonances to another well-side story, a romance, lodged deep insider the community's memory: In Genesis the sojourner Jacob comes to a well at "high day" where he beholds his kinswoman Rachel and, Genesis adds wryly, her father's sheep. He waters the sheep. "Then Jacob kissed Rachel. and wept aloud." Boy meets girl; boy kisses girl; boy and girl eventually (with a huge assist from Leah) create a family of tribes, the children of Israel, that's the way a love story is supposed turn out.

In John's version, of course, the story takes a very different turn. From the first sharply spoken word, the conversation assumes the character of a confrontation that is charged with a significance surpassing romance and the making of babies. He is a teacher from above, brimming with heavenly wisdom; she is a woman of the world who by now has become hardened to the jokes in her village. Like Jesus, she too is thirsty, but thirsty for something she cannot name. What could these two have to say to one another?

The story is an example of John's use of irony. Irony requires two levels of reality or two types of discourse as well as an unbridgeable gulf between them. One of the parties in the conversation must be clueless as to the discrepancy, which lends a certain pathos to his or her attempt to discover the truth. It is like a conversation between George Burns and Gracie Allen or Oedipus and the blind seer. It is occurring on two separate frequencies. Finally, there must be an audience, like a Greek chorus or Christian choir, alternately entertained and horrified by this failure to communicate.

Of course, there are ironies, and there are ironies. There is the irony of impenetrable darkness like that of the high priest who says, "It is expedient for you that one man should die for the people," but hasn't a clue to the truth he has just uttered, or like that of Pontius Pilate who asks "What is truth?" but doesn't recognize it standing before him in chains.

There is also the irony of those who are struggling in the night but who are genuinely seeking the dawn, of those who are thirsty but cannot say for what. This sort of irony leads to some false starts and comic misstatements, but eventually a path to understanding opens before it. Thus when Jesus offers the woman "living water," she replies that he doesn't even have a bucket to draw with. But when she hears of the water welling up to eternal life, she understands enough to say, "Sir, give me this water.

The comic relief comes to an abrupt end with Jesus' second command, "Go, call your husband." Without the awkward details of the woman's sexual history, we would have only a Gnostic dialogue of truth and enlightenment.. With them, we have the reality check that saves all our lives.

The story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman turns out to be a love story after all, for only one who loved you knows you as you are and not as you pretend to be. Only one who loves you knows your deepest desires. Only one who loves you can look at your past without blinking. After a sermon on abuse, a parishioner said, "I never thought I'd hear that in a Christian church. . . Thank you." When something terrible in us gets brushed by the love of God, that's all we can say:Thank you. We Christians know a lot about real love, not make-believe love, but only because "he told me everything I ever did."

Like our Samaritan sister, we too have struggled to believe and have made some tragicomic missteps in the process. Like her, we are comfortable with the words of religion, but we sometimes fail to connect them to the living Lord. We speak easily of salvation but quantify it, if not in buckets of water, then with blessings you can carry to the bank. We have elevated listening to the self to an art form of Proustian proportions, but we do not listen to the one who can tell us everything we ever did. We make the family a substitute for salvation, as if we had never heard of God's family, the church. Most of all, we love life itself and expect our technology to make it extremely fulfilling -- if not in this millennium, surely in the one to come.

At the conclusion of the story of Jesus and the Samaritan woman, most readers would have expected the hero to ride off on a white horse in view of a few baffled Samaritans or, like a prophet or a Greek hero, to be taken to heaven in a fiery chariot. But instead, the One from Above chooses to submit to the way of the cross. With near unbearable irony, the Keeper of Living Waters will say to Roman and Jewish spectators, "I thirst." But once he is dead and pierced, out will flow blood -- and water.

Our story contains too many double entendres and ironic twists for me, or anyone else, to exhaust its meaning. Let me leave the last word to that master of double meaning, the poet and preacher John Donne, who concluded his final sermon with this sentence:"There we leave you in that blessed dependency, to hang upon him that hangs upon the cross." There we hang, gentle reader, awaiting Easter, the dawn, and the most hilarious irony of all.

Pick it up, Read it. (Ps. 121;Gen. 12:1-4a; Rom. 4:1-5,13-17; John 3:1-l7)

One of the disadvantages of being both a Lutheran and an academician is that you hear so few good conversion stories. The weight of my tradition identifies regeneration with the work of God in baptism. Those who tell their conversion stories with great gusto or whose spiritual c.v. runs on for pages (or hours) are automatically suspect in my denomination.

And among academics, whose business it is not to change their minds abruptly, it's hard to find stories like the evangelist Billy Sunday's, who one day walked out of a Chicago bar and said to his teammates, "I'm through. I am going to Jesus Christ." Or St. Augustine's, for that matter, whose famous conversion experience involved little more than naïve obedience to a desperate impulse. Overhearing a child's game in which one of the participants cried, Tolle, lege, "pick it up, read it," Augustine quickly flung open his Bible to the passage that changed the rest of his life.

For many, such stories hold only historical or sociological interest. After a group of religion majors viewed Robert Duvall's brilliant parable of regeneration, The Apostle, about half the group confessed, in so many words, that the film was unintelligible to them.

The Bible has many images for the dramatic change that takes place in those who have been called (or cornered) by God. It is represented by the move from death to life, lost to found, past to future, and darkness to light.

For Nicodemus, the cautious "teacher of Israel," the nocturnal dialogue brings the idea of a new birth or a birth from above. Embracing Jesus as the Christ does not mean becoming a better person but a new person. Nicodemus's alarming difficulty with metaphor -- "You mean I must reenter my mother's womb?" -- does not betray stupidity or prosaic literalism as much as resistance to the sort of change Jesus' words imply. When faced with the rabbi's shocking alternative, who among us would not try to buy a little time?

Nicodemus thus becomes one of the biggest and most reluctant new-borns on record. His stature, age and religious accomplishments were such that birth for him must have been a terrible trauma, an event mixed with pain and blinding new perceptions. He did what most babies do; he squinted against the light and wept with nostalgia for the womb, the old country, the former life.

On the one hand, being born again is as easy as repenting and turning toward a new way of life. For Sonny, the ne'r-do-well evangelist in The Apostle, it meant that he would deep-six his Lincoln (vanity plates included) into a river, an act which symbolizes the death of the old self. He would then immerse himself in the same river, reemerge as an apostle of Jesus Christ, and conduct a ministry of good works among the poor. What could be simpler? One can't help but suspect that being born again is a difficult concept only for those who have been lucky enough to escape catastrophe. Ask anyone who has ever "come to himself' in a pigsty, and he will tell you it's not all that complicated.

On the other hand, the many sophisticated word-plays in this passage remind us how difficult it is to make a formula for spiritual regeneration. The evangelist pulls meanings out of words like rabbits from a silk hat: born from above may mean born again; the wind that blows where it wills may just be the Spirit wafting through the empty regions of our lives. The Greek word for the pole on which the serpent is lifted up is "sign," the writer's favorite word for miracle. The ambiguities in John's Gospel warn us against trying to engineer our own rebirth with self-administered therapies.

Nor should "born again" be reduced to a political shibboleth. A young acquaintance of mine is trying to make it in the political bureaucracy of Washington, D.C. He tells me with only a hint of irony that one way to begin is by getting into an "influential prayer group." The password? "Born again."

How can this be if the new birth is like the wind? We do not make the clouds move or the prairie billow like ocean waves. With the rest of creation, we submit to the wind and its caprice. Who is to say whether this chance encounter or that tumorous growth, this melody in a cafe or that agonizing defeat, are merely the winds of chance that blow through everyone's life, or the "signs" of the Spirit who caresses us like a mother or a lover? What language shall we borrow with which to narrate our lives? For some it will be the formulas of spiritual certainty; for others, the evocation of mystery.

To be "born again" does not mean that one can always chronicle the date and time of conversion or explain it to an audience's satisfaction.

Jesus' dialogue with Nicodemus preserves a space for mystery, a sacred vestibule to experience, choice and language. The two rabbis speak under cloak of darkness, and Jesus says that whatever happens to Nicodemus will resemble the winds of chance on a warm Judean night. Just as an invisible something parts our hair and kisses our face, the Spirit stirs in us before we have words to name the stirring.

You will be made new through water and the Spirit, Jesus says. But even water is ambiguous. It may be a river that ravages the villages on its banks, a river for drowning and forgetting. Or it may be the church's river of life, a river for baptizing and remembering. "Born again" glides beneath the surface of time and place in the river of God's freedom. The Spirit of God makes us clean and whole and delivers us from drowning before we can swim a stroke.

The Journey Begins (Psalm 32;Genesis 2:15-l7;3:1-7;Romans 5:12-19; Matthew 4:1-11)

In l932 my father met my mother by means of one of the great pick-up lines of their era. After a "young people's" social at their Lutheran church, he followed her along the park on the near north side of St. Louis to the streetcar stop. When he caught up to her, he said with the savoir faire of a Lutheran Cary Grant, "Say, do you go to movies during Lent?"

I suppose you could say, "Thank God, even 67 years ago the church's regulations did not prevent an independent-minded woman with bobbed hair from saying yes to an interesting young man in a green fedora." But that's not my point. His question was more interesting than that. It presupposes a church whose practices set certain conditions on its members' daily existence. Lent was a holy time of prayer, self-discipline and extra churchgoing. When you skipped a meal or altered your social routine, you were trying to remember, if not always successfully, Jesus' sacrificial life and death. The church still recognized the incongruity between focusing on the crucified Christ on Sundays and dissipating your wits in movie theaters and speakeasies during the rest of the week. How quaint.

We do not want to reinhabit a culture that is no longer ours, but, if the 40-day period we are entering still shapes believers in the way of the cross and prepares them for the Lord's resurrection, we do need Lent. We need the sense of its holiness. We could use a little of its incongruity.

Every year we enter Lent as on a journey that begins with Jesus' own sojourn in the wilderness. Neither the journey nor the wilderness comes naturally anymore to Americans, who long ago completed their journey and tamed their wilderness. To be sure, we are a highly mobile people, but we don't seem to be going anyplace special. We move from town to town, job to job and marriage to marriage, but the telos of our wanderings and the satisfaction of our longings remain elusive.

Where are we headed? In my first parish, I ministered in a small rural community 50 miles from St. Louis. Most of my members rarely traveled so far as St. Louis, and their lives did not reflect the frenetic shifts so characteristic of American culture. In my three years in that parish, I never met anyone who was going someplace as the world measures mobility or advancement, but the entire congregation was rife with a sense of journey, and most accounted their life a great adventure. A woman named Annie was dying in the bedroom in which she was born, almost within view of the church cemetery where she would be buried. She had farmed her land, raised her kids and served her church. She had fought the good fight. What a ride! she seemed to say to me. All the way from baptism in Emmaus Lutheran Church to burial in Emmaus Cemetery. What a journey my life has been!

This is the journey that counts. It is this journey we make every Lent.

In the Lenten Gospel readings the church will make its progress by means of a series of dialogues -- on temptation (with the devil), on perplexity (Nicodemus), on longing for what is real (the Samaritan woman), and on the true identity of Jesus (the man formerly blind). We shall conc1ude with a couple of conversations about death and resurrection held in Jewish cemeteries. Along the way we will discover that the journey does not follow the familiar route from a lower-paying to a higher-paying job, from illness to health, or from misery to happiness. The Temptation, in particular, will renarrate Israel's experience as a pattern of the church's struggle in an alien environment called the wilderness.

Israel passed through the waters and wandered for 40 years in the wilderness, which turned out to be a place of apostasy. It was in the wilderness that Israel learned to ask, "Is the Lord among us or not?"

In due course, another son of God passed through the waters of baptism. Jesus endured 40 days of testing in which Satan offered him the perennial alternatives to faithful Christian identity. The Messiah's only appeal against the needs of the body, the desire to avoid suffering, and the allure of political power was to the word of God. Where we failed and continue to fail, he succeeded. Where we try to have it both ways, he chose the single path. Now, baptized in his name, we walk in his shadow and fight all our battles in him.

It may seem quaint to us that some Christians still think they must renounce certain pleasures during Lent. But that is the way Jesus began his pilgrimage. Before he could be the true Messiah, he had to discover the sort of messiah he would not be. In affirming God, he first rejected the blandishments and lies of the wilderness, just as in the baptismal liturgy the candidate says yes to God by first saying no to Satan, the evil powers of this world, and all sinful desires. At baptism the whole church thunders as one, "I renounce them."

Flannery O'Connor has a story about a little girl who loves to visit the convent and the sisters. But every time the nun gives her a hug, the crucifix on Sister's belt gets mashed into the child's face. The gesture of love always leaves a mark.

On our journey toward the resurrection, we discover our true identity or, better, it is imprinted upon us. For many it is a fearful experience of testing, but one that is moderated by a special grace: we make this journey together, with the whole Christian church on earth, and we follow the One who has already completed the course.

Acknowledgment (Ps. 23; I Sam. 13:1-16;Eph. 5:8-14;John 9:1-41)

In a church I served, one of the pillars of the congregation stopped by my office just before services to tell me he'd been "born again."

"You've been what?" I asked.

"I visited my brother-in-law's church, the Running River of Life Tabernacle, and I don't know what it was, but something happened and I'm born again."

"You can't be born again," I said, "you're a Lutheran. You are the chairman of the board of trustees." He was brimming with joy, but I was sulking. Why? Because spiritual renewal is wonderful as long as it occurs within acceptable, usually mainline, channels and does not threaten my understanding of God.

In her novel Revelation, Peggy Payne tells of a Presbyterian minister who experiences a theophany. One afternoon, while grilling steaks in the backyard, he hears the voice of God speaking to him. It's a revelation. It's the kind of revelation that will change his life; he will never be the same. The rest of the story tells of the price he pays for revelation, Do the leaders of his congregation rejoice with him? Not exactly. They do provide free psychiatric care and paid administrative leave.

I work in a university, and can well imagine how the school would react if one of its chaplains were to announce that he had been the recipient of a direct revelation. After appropriate counseling, he would be transferred to "Development." We would do deep background investigations, recheck his transcripts, reread his references. Eventually he would have to go, because he was claiming to see things to which we are blind.

That's the way the formerly blind man found it. In John's Gospel the story of his cure takes exactly two verses; the controversy surrounding the cure, 39 verses. And that, as Paul Harvey would say, is the rest of the story.

The rest of the story is that the church has always been pretty good at investigating irregularities but not so good at acknowledging the power of God that can be contained by no religious premises. It is not difficult to sympathize with the Pharisees. They were only attempting what many of us have been trained to do: observe, describe and explain the phenomena. Haven't you ever listened to the testimony of someone who has been "healed" at Lourdes or Tulsa, who's thrown away the crutches? And haven't you wanted to ask a few follow-up questions? Have you never felt a twinge of doubt when all those glamorous but corrupt celebrities -- courtesans and congressmen -- whose sins are so much more interesting than yours, manage to get born again just as their scandals are cresting in the media? Where does all this religion really come from?

The question of origins pervades the Gospel of John. In our story we have the ancient version not of Who's on First? but of Where's He from? The authorities sink to the oldest of all debate tactics: assail the source of your opponent's argument. Poison the well. Where is this Jesus from? What rabbinical school did he attend? Where did he learn to break God's law? The formerly blind man replies, "He restored my sight. Where do you think he's from?"

Does this story mean that you must possess special knowledge to be a follower of Jesus? Must you see the way God sees?

No -- not knowledge, but acknowledgment.

The formerly blind man did not know all the correct religious phrases with which to interpret his salvation. He was not pious in the traditional sense or even respectful of his elders. What he knew for sure was that once upon a time he sat in darkness, and now the whole world was drenched in sunlight. And he acknowledged that.

"One thing I know," he said. And as he makes his witness to Jesus, we realize that the man blind from birth has a multitude of sons and daughters with their own stories to tell. "One thing I know," one of you might say (sounding like the Samaritan woman in John 4), is that when I was going through my divorce I hurt so much I couldn't sleep or eat, and I was so filled with hate I couldn't think, but somehow I got through it, and I've come to recognize that the somehow was Jesus."

"One thing I know." How is that for ironic understatement? As if the only teensy little thing you happen to know is -- who saved your life! No, you start not with special knowledge but with acknowledgment. You may begin not with a public profession but with a prayer to the Light of the World.

The man's profession has a terrible consequence for him and for all of us. He is cast out of the synagogue. He is cut off from Torah, family, the sweet--smelling incense of the Sabbath, the certitude of the Law -- all because he looked deeply and directly into the Light.

If J. Louis Martyn and other scholars are right, this story reflects the historic parting of the ways between the synagogue and the Jews who believed in Jesus. We were once so close. Just how close we still are can be seen in those moments when we acknowledge our dependence on God, and place no limits on who and how God saves in Jesus Christ. If we read this story as an ironic comedy and nothing more, we miss the loneliness of its final scene in which Jesus and the man converse outside the synagogue. But if we catch its underlying pathos, we will see this story for the tragedy it really is, and wait upon God to write a new ending.

Makeshift Communities (Is. 9:1-4; Ps. 27:1, 4-9;I Cor. 1:10-18; Matt. 4:12-23)

A young rabbi found a serious problem in his new congregation. During the Friday service, half the congregation stood for the prayers and half remained seated, and each side shouted at the other, insisting that theirs was the true tradition. Nothing the rabbi said or did moved toward solving the impasse.

Finally, in desperation, the young rabbi sought out the synagogue's 99-year-old founder. He met the old rabbi in the nursing home and poured out his troubles. "So tell me," he pleaded, "was it the tradition for the congregation to stand during the prayers?"

"No," answered the old rabbi.

"Ah," responded the younger man, "then it was the tradition to sit during the prayers?"

"No," answered the old rabbi.

"Well," the young rabbi responded, "what we have is complete chaos! Half the people stand and shout, and the other half sit and scream."

"Ah," said the old man, "that was the tradition."

When two or more are gathered, factions lurk in the midst of them, as Paul discovered. As a result, countless workshops and publications offer advice on how to manage congregational conflict. There are steps to follow, profiles to complete, interviews to take, goals to establish. It's a serious business.

Jesus didn't seem to worry about any of it. When he said, "Follow me," he apparently wasn't concerned that these followers might not turn out to be model disciples. Indeed, they were often dense and hard to teach, and on the rare occasions when they did understand him they would usually try to talk him out of his ideas. They squabbled about who was greatest. One of them betrayed him.

And no one stuck around when the going got tough.

Jesus simply said, "Follow me," and something in the way he said it pointed to God so clearly that two, then four, then 12 decided that whatever Jesus had to offer was worth leaving their old lives for. And as far as Jesus was concerned, their willingness to get up and follow was credentials enough. He would make his community out of this diverse, contentious dozen.

Of course, Jesus had to live with this makeshift community of disciples for only three years. And whenever they wandered off course, he was right there to set them straight. The real problems began when he was gone and they had to make decisions for the long haul. How do we admit the gentiles? What about those who teach a different gospel? Who is really in charge? Do we have to make a break with Judaism? The apostles held meetings, drew lots and trusted in the Holy Spirit's lead. The infant church grew.

Corinth was caught in the middle of it all. The congregation quarreled about class divisions, ethical issues and the qualifications for spiritual leadership, not to mention such daily concerns as what foods to eat. Paul struggled to get them back in agreement, offering specific advice when necessary. Most of all, though, he tried to knit them back together into a whole. They didn't have Jesus' physical presence with them. They themselves had to be the body of Christ now. The only way they could manage was to keep their eyes on the cross and love, love, love.

You are the people who walked in darkness and have seen a great light! You are the saved, the ransomed, baptized in the Lord Jesus! Don't overshadow the glory of the gospel with divisions and quarrels!

"You are the light of the world," Jesus told his followers. We don't always act like it. In the township where I pastor, there are five United Methodist churches. A hundred years ago, during the boom days of logging and tanning, the local population sustained those churches, one in each tiny hamlet. Now that nearly a century of economic recession has lowered the population by half, the churches struggle hard to stay afloat. Clearly, our best option is to work together to bring the good news to the outside community. But when we make an effort to come together, we have to pick our way through mine-fields of decades-old feuds and fears. Even one of the most successful collaborations -- three congregations merged into one -- stumbled when divisions and concerns about rank threatened to overshadow the gospel.

But there are moments when all the fractures heal and the light shines through, times when together we accomplish far more than we could ever have managed alone. There are times, between and within our congregations, when we are truly more than the sum of our parts. The Spirit breathes through us and warms the darkening world. The light of Christ breaks forth like the dawn. We are caught up in some power beyond our individual selves, and we become the Body we are meant to be.

The last week of January is always a time of celebration in our home: it is the week we get the sun back. Our house is located just to the north of the church. As winter advances and the sun makes its ever more southerly trek from east to west, there inevitably comes a day in late November when it fails to rise above the church roof at all. From that day until the end of January; on even the brightest days, our house stands in perpetual shadow The irony is not lost on us. At this darkest time of the year, the church blocks the light from our home.

We laugh about it every year, partly to keep our sense of humor when we're so hungry for sunlight we can practically taste it. We also laugh to help ourselves remember that the Light of the World has come. It does not always shine perfectly through our churches, but we pray that we cast more light than shadow onto the world around us.

Eavesdropping (Mic. 6:1-8;I Cor. 1:18-31;Matt. 5:1-12; Ps. 15)

In her book Operating Instructions: A Journal of My Son's First Year, Anne Lamott describes the afternoon she misplaced her father. His brain cancer had progressed to the point where he was functioning much like an eager-to-please three year-old. Lamott had brought him along with her one day as she ran errands. Just before she ran into the local bank, she gave him a candy bar and strapped him into the passenger seat.

"Of course there was a huge line, Lamott recalls, "so every so often I'd run to the back of the bank and look through the window to make sure he was still there (as if someone were going to kidnap him)."

The last lime I looked, he wasn't there -- the car was empty! I felt like adrenaline had been injected directly into my heart, and I turned to stare out the windows behind the tellers just to collect my thoughts, and through them I saw this crazy old man pass by, his face smeared with chocolate.. . . He was just walking on by, holding his candy bar, staring up at the sky as if maybe his next operating instructions were up there.

I've often envied those folks scattered through the scriptures who find their operating instructions from God full-formed in the sky above. Like Paul at Joppa. Or Elijah, who knew enough to ignore the thunder, fire and earthquake but paid close attention to the till, small voice. Or Moses, who didn't find instructions in the sky, exactly, but received more detailed directions than he wanted from a burning bush.

I've always had to eavesdrop to find the instructions I'm seeking. When God's word of wounded grace moves Micah into a penitential frenzy, my ears perk up. What shall I offer for my sins? Would my firstborn (horrors!) be offering enough? What can I do? It's an honest question, wrenched from a sin-grieved heart that yearns to reunite with the Heart of All. I've asked it more than once.

And then the operating instructions come: "Do justice. Love steadfastly. Walk humbly with your God." So simple. So complex.

So life-changing. As he begins the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus enumerates the results of following God's operating instructions. Walking humbly with the Holy One necessitates meekness, purity of heart and poorness of spirit. Peacemaking and the hunger for righteousness fuel the pursuit of justice. Steady, faithful loving results all too often in mourning, even as it flowers into mercy. Whenever we find these characteristics, Jesus says we find those who are following God's directions with their lives. And these qualities set us up against the outside order, which has a multitude of ways to persecute those who do not follow its own operating instructions. It's been happening since Micah's day, and there's no end in sight.

In between the prophet's anguish and the Beatitudes, however, lie the ordinary questions and decisions of daily life. In the face of those specific concerns, the heavens provide precious little guidance.

So I keep eavesdropping. I take every opportunity to spend time with a friend who, though only my age, is wise beyond his years. I drink in his gentle sensitivity, his attention to those on the edge of our social circle. I marvel at his skill at finding a third way through any controversy. I listen to his passion about making this world more whole, more holy.

I scour the library and bookstores for books by those who struggle as I do with the commands of God and the demands of everyday living. I treasure the words of Henri Nouwen, which call me back to sanity when the outside order has poisoned my discipleship:

The question is not: How many people take you seriously? How much are you going to accomplish? Can you show some results? But: Are you in love with Jesus?. . . In our world of loneliness and despair, there is an enormous need for men and women who know the heart of God, a heart that forgives, that cares, that reaches out and wants to heal.

I eavesdrop on the disciples' conversations with Jesus. "Do you love me, Peter? Then feed my sheep." "This is the greatest commandment: that you love God with all your heart and mind and soul and strength, and your neighbor as yourself." And when I hear Jesus say to the Twelve in great frustration, "Why do I speak to you at all?," I take comfort in the fact that I'm not the first to have difficulty putting God's instructions into practice. I turn again to the usual channels -- prayer, the scriptures, my faith community, reading and conversation. I go searching for the humble walk that might illuminate the will of God for my. life today. One early morning, my three-year-old son Micah (yes, named for the prophet) and I were driving into town for preschool. Micah was in the front seat with me. To entertain himself, he began looking in the vanity mirror on the back of his sun visor. I began a game with him. "Who's in the mirror? Is it Daddy?" "No!" "Is it Uncle John?" "No!" "Is it an elephant?" "No!"

Then, just to make things interesting, I asked, "Is it Jesus?" Micah stopped for a moment. "You know," I continued, "whenever you look in the mirror, you see Jesus a little bit. Jesus is always in you a little bit."

Micah was silent for a moment. Then, with all the theological wisdom of a three-year-old, he corrected me. "I need Jesus to be in me a lot," he said.

That's all the operating instructions I need.

Rare Sightings (Is. 42:1-9; Psalm 29; Acts 10:34-43; Matt. 3:13-17)

The water flows cleanly here, just a few miles from the source of the Hudson River, deep in the Adirondack Mountains. The big puffs of foam that form on the surface of the water aren’t evidence of agricultural runoff, but rather the result of rainwater leeching through the forest floor. One early summer morning, as I plied my fishing rod along the foggy river, I caught sight of what looked like just such a foam puff. a bit downstream. I didn’t pay it much attention until I realized, almost subconsciously, that it was moving upriver. I stopped casting and turned to watch. Something was swimming slowly, determinedly, in my direction.

I stared for several minutes. trying to piece together the pink eyes, tiny round ears, short nose and white fur into a species that I recognized. Then, not ten feet from where I stood, the animal climbed up over a low rock and slid down the other side. There, unmistakably, was the wide flat tail of a beaver. Only this tail was pink. An albino beaver was making its steady, deliberate way up the current. I watched transfixed, until it vanished around an upstream bend in the river. Only then did I realize I’d been standing with my jaw dropped in amazement.

I gave up on fishing and headed home. Over the next few hours I told as many people as I could find—my husband, the regional forest ranger, m~ environmentalist friend, a river guide, the town assistant who knew the local wild life. Had they ever seen such a thing as a white beaver. One after another answered no, he’d never seen one, though albino beavers could certainly exist. All of them envied me my experience. "I don’t suppose you happened to have a video camera with you?" one asked. I didn’t.

Dissatisfied, I tried to think of someone else to call. But I gradually realized there was no one who could corroborate my story. I was the only one out on the river at dawn on that cool. foggy morning, I was the only one who’d seen the white beaver. I’d have to he content with my own experience. But I wished I had company.

Epiphanies, both large and small, tend to be private events. Trying to share the details with another is fraught with complications: the words are never quite right, and even the most sympathetic listener cannot fully bridge the gap between description and being there. No wonder most folks keep their personal experiences of the Holy to themselves. Who would believe it? And who would really understand? Ultimately we must be satisfied with having had the experiences ourselves. But there’s always the desire for companionship.

Many biblical epiphanies are private, too. According to Matthew, when Jesus rises, dripping, from the waters of the Jordan, John has moved on to the next baptism and the crowds are busy with repentance. Jesus alone sees the Spirit descending on wings of light to rest upon his soggy head. He alone hears the well-pleased voice of God calling him Beloved Son. The experience drives him out alone into the desert for 40 days to hone his calling. No wonder that when he returns to begin his ministry, one of his first actions is to call disciples. Enough solitude already. It’s time for company.

True, the disciples will never manage to figure out for long just who this is that is leading them, despite a fair number of epiphanies of their own. They never really get it right until he's gone. There will be times when Jesus is so frustrated at their lack of understanding that a solo ministry looks appealing. But he keeps the company he’s chosen. Though they cannot bridge the gap, the disciples do share the journey.

Christianity was never meant to be a solitary exercise, hut trying to share our individual experiences of God is daunting. Trying to shape those who have had these experiences into a coherent Christian community is harder still, and more than one congregation has thundered and sunk under the strain of sorting out the personal and the corporate. The solo journey can look inviting.

The irony is that epiphanies are made for sharing, even as they are impossible to communicate wholly. The power of God’s presence breaking into our everyday experiences is not to be kept to ourselves. It changes all our bearings, and we need help to chart our new course. It burns within our bones until we are weary with holding it in. Even if no one entirely understands, we have to try. And sympathetic though not quite comprehending company is better than none at all.

Perhaps in this season of God's revealing, so soon after the longest night of the year, the most essential work of the Christian community is to be company to one another in our epiphanies. Though we do not share the same experience, we share the same God. Or, if nothing else, we share the longing for God, and even that is enough. We may have to work out our own salvation in fear and trembling. But better to seek an understanding of God’s calling in our lives with the companionship of others who’ve engaged in the same struggle than to go our lonely and often misguided way. We may never quite bridge the gap that keeps is from fully understanding each other. But we can share the journey.

In Defense of Organized Religion

This article is based on an address to the Heretics Club, an organization established by the chaplain’s office at Colgate University for students professing no religious affiliation.

I am generally in sympathy with people who disparage what they call organized religion and I prefer to call "institutional religion." I not only feel that I understand what they mean; I often feel that I understand what they mean better than they do. I worked as a lay and then as an ordained Episcopal minister for more than 20 years. If you want to talk about reasons to distrust organized religion, I’ll give you reasons--your reasons plus reasons beyond your wildest dreams. But that is not my main task here, so I will confine myself to three of the more obvious.

The first is that religious institutions, like all human institutions, have a way of existing for themselves as opposed to the purposes they claim to serve. Churches do it, colleges do it, even legislative bodies do it; let’s do it, let’s fall in love--with our own organizational structures. Writing in 1962, the American activist theologian William Stringfellow put it this way:

As I find it, religion in America … has virtually nothing to do with God and has little to do with the practical lives of men in society. Religion seems, mainly, to have to do with religion.

A second good reason to be leery of so-called organized religion is that with organization comes power, and with power comes the ability to oppress the less powerful and to exclude those whom power deems undesirable. As a general rule of thumb, I would say that religions are at their best whenever they challenge their members to chafe against preexisting identities--for example, when St. Paul says that "in Christ there is neither Jew nor Greek, slave nor free, male nor female." They’re at their worst when they become identities--i.e., when the most meaningful part of saying "I’m a Christian" is the implication that you’re not a Christian.

A third flaw of institutional religion is a tendency to distrust and even to stifle the same creative energies that formed the religion in the first place. In the early centuries of the Christian church, for example, there appears to have been a group of women known as subintroductae who lived-and even slept with their monogamous male partners while remaining celibate. The church authorities eventually forbade this interesting experiment in sexual diversity. Writing of that suppression in his eccentric history of Christianity, The Descent of the Dove, Charles Williams said:

It was one of the earliest triumphs of "the weaker brethren," those innocent sheep who by mere volume of imbecility have trampled over many delicate and attractive flowers in Christendom.

This is true not only in Christendom, but wherever religious traditions become ossified. Small wonder, then, that some of the most important events in religious history were acts of rebellion. One thinks of the revolt of the Hebrew prophets against the cultic apparatus of Israel and Judah, Lao-tzu’s revolt against Confucian propriety, Buddha’s against Brahman elitism and so on. With that observation we come to the first of what I am calling "the virtues of organized religion," namely that organized religions give their adherents something solid to rebel against.

Scottish poet Hugh MacDiarmid said: "You cannot strike a match on a crumbling wall." No, and you cannot make a battering ram out of pulp. I have to say that whenever I lapse into my geezer mode of worrying about the younger generation, one of the concerns uppermost in my mind is our culture’s devilish knack for preempting, co-opting and even marketing acts of youthful rebellion. Lob a Molotov cocktail over the battlements and within moments it comes back to you--redesigned, attractively packaged and priced for Christmas. Organized religions provide their adherents not only with a force to rebel against, but a structure to rebel within. That is because most religions contain remnants of the historical struggles that marked their development. The wiser religions even preserve those remnants as part of the tradition. British theologian Kenneth Leech goes so far as to say that "the holding together of apparent contradictions and ambiguities is of the very nature" of what he calls "the orthodox project." For Leech, it is heresy that attempts to oversimplify the problems, to quash the struggle:

The rejection of paradox and ambiguity is the characteristic of heretics in all ages. Heresy is one-dimensional, narrow, over-simplified, and boring. It is straight-line thinking, preferring a pseudo-clarity to the many sidedness of truth, tidiness to the mess and complexity of reality. Orthodoxy by contrast is rooted in the unknowable.

I realize that such a passage may be offensive to some heretics, but imagine how offensive it must be to religious believers who fancy that their heretical simplifications are orthodox!

The second virtue of organized religion is that it gives people a chance to be smarter than they would be on their own. Of course, that is true of culture in general. Euclidian geometry, a stroke of genius for Euclid, is now no more than a math requirement for a high school sophomore. The same goes for Aquinas and Moses Maimonides, though in their case the requirement probably belongs in college. We find a memorable image of cultural transmission in Stanley Kubrick’s film 2001: A Space Odyssey. You may recall the famous scene in which a protohuman serendipitously discovers the first tool while smashing a tapir’s skeleton with a thigh bone. Charlie Chaplin is said to have wept when he first saw it. But the next scene is no less moving--when we see two little ape-children playing with the same sort of bone. The great epiphany is no longer an epiphany; it’s common knowledge. To use a metaphor so old and pervasive that an entire book was written about it, we stand "on the shoulders of giants."

The religious autodidact, on the other hand, stands on the sidewalk. Unless she is a giant herself, she is not likely to see very far. The fate of most autodidacts, a fate I happen to understand only too well, is to be perpetually reinventing the wheel and, in the course of that needless reinvention, never to achieve the wing, the propeller or the time machine.

Some will object that you don’t need to belong to an organized religion in order to avoid the fate of the spiritual autodidact. Obviously one doesn’t need to be a Hindu to read the Upanishads. But there is a kind of knowledge that can only be lived. That is especially true in the area of personal relationships, and it points to a third virtue of organized religions: their insistence on the primacy of experiential knowing. That is a different kind of knowledge from the type utilized on Jeopardy.

This insistence on the experiential is especially important in our self-proclaimed "Age of Information," the prevailing attitude of which often strikes me as that of an eight-year-old boy who discovers a skin magazine in his older brother’s dresser drawer and assumes that he now "knows about women." Because here is a picture of one, all bare and in living color, and here are some very important facts about her: Tiffany likes windsurfing, a good Chablis, and the sort of man who knows how to take charge. But the little boy doesn’t know about women. He doesn’t even know about Tiffany. Knowledge of that sort can only come in relationship. You don’t Google a person or a faith tradition. You live with it. You keep faith with it, and sometimes you break up with it. No picnic either way.

And there you have a fourth virtue of organized religion: its ability to disabuse us of our illusions. Another way to put that is to say that organized religions compel their members to embrace history, including historical relativism and human fallibility, including their own limited, historically predetermined selves. In that respect belonging to an organized religion is a lot like living in New Jersey. I’m thinking of something that Richard Ford wrote in his novel The Sportswriter: "Better to come to earth in New Jersey than not to come at all.… Illusion will never be your adversary here." All you need to do is replace the name New Jersey with that of some house of worship, and you have as fitting an inscription as I can imagine for placing above its front door.

I am not a Roman Catholic. Like many both inside and outside of that faith tradition, I regard it with a certain ambivalence, a mixture of awe and dismay. I can remember only one time when I wished I was a Roman Catholic, and that was when the church was racked by the abusive-priest scandal. I had little sympathy for the abusive priests, still less for the hierarchy that had connived in their abuses, but I had great sympathy for and a feeling of solidarity with the victims of the abuse and also with rank-and-file members who were devastated by the revelations. To quote William Stringfellow again: "The first place to look for Christ is in hell." The headiest time to belong to an organized religion is when it’s going through hell, which it tends to do on a fairly regular basis.

A fifth virtue of organized religions is that they are social phenomena of a radically promiscuous kind. If I were asked to say in one sentence what was the chief benefit of all my years in church, I might say that it forced me to hang out with people I’d not otherwise have met. (And, to be fair, if I were asked to name the biggest liability of all my years in church, I’d say the same thing.) This kind of broad association is of particular value to a society like ours, one in which people are increasingly tribalized and segregated and even a laudable value like diversity can be trivialized, as when a mother brags about how her child attends such a "wonderfully diverse" prep school, what with the boy from Senegal whose dad is a UN diplomat and the girl from Sri Lanka whose mom is an officer with the World Bank.

Organized religions, at their best, work for a deeper kind of diversity. They also remind us of the power of communal endeavor in a society that glorifies the individual. Consider the following anecdote from Richard Rodriguez’s Days of Obligation:

An old nun, old and as white as a lizard, used to pray in Sacred Heart Church when I was a boy. One day, as I passed her pillar, her hand shot out to catch my sleeve; her regard shone on me in the gloom. "If you are ever in church, and for one reason or another you cannot pray," she whispered, "then ask God to unite your lazy prayers to the good prayers of the people kneeling around you."

Such a piece of advice sounds utterly absurd to modern ears, perhaps even to most believers’ ears. But not to those believers who speak of the Communion of Saints or the Vow of the Bodhisattva.

In Toni Morrison’s novel Beloved, Sethe is tormented by the ghost of the infant daughter she killed in order to spare the child from slavery. The phantom child sucks the life from Sethe; even her lover Paul D. can do no more than banish it for a season. Only when all the African-American church women gather and converge on the scene of Sethe’s desolation is the ghost exorcised from her life. Morrison’s message is clear: there are some personal demons and private neuroses that can be overpowered only by the collective strength of human community.

Finally, organized religions are capable of organizing; that is to say, of mobilizing. The rise of the religious right in this country has, in my view, provided us with a frightful example of that. But organized religion remains a prime mover for positive social change: we have seen that in the civil rights movement, both here and in South Africa; in the Solidarity movement in Poland; and in the current unrest in Burma. We downplay this potential to our peril. It would be presumptuous for me to suggest that people who share my left-leaning politics need to start going to church or synagogue or mosque. I do think they need to start going somewhere besides their favorite blogspot or coffee shop.

In summary, the virtues of organized religions include but are by no means limited to the following: they give their adherents something solid against which to rebel; they allow one to see farther by standing on the shoulders of giants; they insist on the primacy of lived experience; they work against illusion and historical insularity; they point to the power of the collective and the merits of deep diversity; and they are capable of the kind of mobilization that can transform the world.

I suppose that some would say I have erred in my evaluation by not so much as mentioning God or some other absolute, but I assume that God goes with the territory. I also assume that God is not restricted to the territory. To be sure, I have made my remarks as a religious believer, a theist, and as one who has chosen to cast in his lot with an organized religion. But the God I believe in is a God who both creates norms and delights in creating exceptions to norms. Even so unimpeachable a remark as that reptiles lay eggs and mammals birth their young alive needs to reckon with the garter snake and the duckbilled platypus. That means that the most useful thing I’ve said still needs to be taken with a grain of salt. It means that there will always be a need within organized religions, and in spite of organized religions, for the heretical and the heterodox, always a need for people like me to close their remarks and listen carefully to what others have to say.

Pledging Allegiance (Matt. 22:15-22)

As I was putting our nine-year-old son to bed, I bent down to kiss him goodnight. He reached up, pulled my face toward his, and gave me seven kisses -- four down and three across -- on my forehead. Then he looked me in the eye and said, "Mom, you are blessed."

"Did you realize you kissed me in the shape of a cross?" I asked him.

"Yep," he answered, "I planned it that way."

Over the years Ben had seen the sign of the cross made on other people's foreheads, with ashes during Lent and with water during services of baptismal renewal. But never had he seen the sign of the cross made on the forehead with kisses. From this little boy, often so full of mischief, I received an unexpected sign of grace from God, a reminder of the ways in which my life has been blessed, as well as the price that has been paid for those blessings.

Blessings are very much a part of our everyday life -- we give them and receive them, from God and each other, almost on reflex. A word of grace offered, a sign of forgiveness shared. We extend a blessing and move on; we receive a blessing and feel good for the moment. Both as individuals and as a nation, we have gotten very used to being on the receiving end of blessings. We have holidays that commemorate them with flags flying, fireworks lighting up the sky, parades and family picnics -- all celebrating our blessings of independence, of freedom, of peace and prosperity.

From whom do we receive the blessings of life and to whom, then, do we owe thanksgiving and allegiance? Is it God? Or is it America, our present-day Caesar? What do we owe to each? Are service to God and to Caesar compatible? Or are they competing loyalties that carry with them divergent senses of blessing?

To be sure, such questions always need the specification of the political contexts in which we find ourselves. Yet the question presses us at a fundamental level -- for we Christians face a perpetual temptation to accept the promise of material blessings from political or economic systems in exchange for circumscribing our commitment to God.

Such was the trap laid for Jesus in the question, "Is it lawful to pay taxes to the emperor, or not?" Some interpreters argue that Jesus' answer to the Pharisees and Herodians implies that we owe equal allegiance to the governing authorities and to God. The political realm and the religious realm place separate but equal demands upon us and we are obliged to obey both. The American flag standing in most of our churches reinforces this notion.

Yet it is hard to imagine that this answer would have caused the Pharisees and Herodians to leave this encounter with Jesus "amazed." The Pharisees and Herodians, as it turns out, were very strange bedfellows. The Herodians supported the continued rule of Palestine by those who descended from Herod, thus backing the Roman occupation. The Pharisees, on the other hand, as observant Jews, were offended at the thought of paying taxes to a foreign government.

Yet in this case they join forces in questioning Jesus and approach him with "malice," hoping to entrap him. The "enemy of my enemy is my friend" theory is at work here.

The flattering manner in which they frame their question makes their hypocrisy even more apparent. "You hypocrites," Jesus responds, "why are you putting me to the test?" He knows their motivation and frames his response accordingly. If he says yes, he will be in conflict with the religious authorities and the general population who oppose the foreign taxation; if he says no, he will be seen as a political revolutionary and a traitor to the regime. By asking the Pharisees and Herodians to provide the coin which is used to pay the taxes, he forces them to become personally involved in helping him circumvent the trap.

Jesus' question, "Whose image is this, and whose title?" echoes Genesis 1:27. The coin bears the image and title Tiberius Caesar, son of the Divine Augustus -- idolatrous words and a painful reminder of oppression to a conquered people. Yet these are a people who know that they were created in the image of God, and though they live under subjugation, they continue to bear the image of God. The coin is a temporal thing that is given to Caesar in exchange for particular "blessings," but the true blessing of life, of breath, of body, of soul, mind and spirit are from God and should be offered back to God. You, who bear the image of God, belong first and foremost to God. Allegiance to God and to Caesar do not occupy two separate realms; Caesar's realm is a limited one within the all-encompassing reign of God.

Yet Caesar is rarely content with limits. Jesus' claim carries a price. Within days of this exchange one of the charges brought against Jesus as he stands before Pilate is "forbidding us to pay taxes to the emperor" (Luke 23:2). Faithful service to God is always costly. Blessing and sacrifice are closely linked in Christian living, as even a nine-year-old boy was able to envision. When Ben kissed me on the forehead that night, he offered a challenging reminder of the price that was paid for the blessings we have received -- kisses in the form of a cross.

Party Time (Matt. 22:1-14)

Tables spread with mouth-watering morsels, guests gathered in the perfect ambiance, lots of noise, laughter and fun. We know a party when we see one. But we also know that not all parties are the same. Like the towels in the guest bathroom that are there to be admired but never touched, some parties focus more on display than on people. Other parties are known more for who is not invited than who is. Some parties are held to celebrate, others to commiserate. As diverse as parties can be, they all have one thing in common: their purpose and tone are set by the host.

Exodus 32 and Matthew 22 describe two very different parties thrown by two very different hosts. For 40 days and nights Moses is on Mount Sinai in the presence of God. Along with the tablets containing the Ten Commandments, Moses receives instructions from God about the creation of the sacred spaces the people are to build. The ark of the covenant is to hold the two tablets bearing the commandments, and the tabernacle is to be built as a sanctuary to the Lord for worship while in the wilderness.

The children of Israel remain in the valley, far enough away that Moses disappears from them into the clouds covering the mountain. Because Moses is delayed in coming down from the mountain, the people feel abandoned and begin to murmur. They eventually turn to Aaron, the brother of their leader, to help revive their spirits, and renew their hope of being led into the Promised Land. Their response to the lack of a strong leader is to create one. "Come, make gods for us who shall go before us."

So Aaron happily obliges. After he gathers up all their gold, he manages to fashion a large calf that they acknowledge as an image of their savior. Their refrain, "These are your gods, 0 Israel, who brought you up out of the land of Egypt," is a phrase repeated centuries later in the story in 1 Kings 12:25, where Jeroboam I has set up two golden calves for the people to worship. 'This was a call to celebrate, to rejoice. Though Aaron proclaimed the following day as a "festival to the Lord," it is clear that the revelry was in honor of the graven image. The impatient children of Israel host a party that almost leads to their destruction.

When we compare the events of this brief story with the chapters preceding, we see even more clearly why this is a self-destructive party. The sacred spaces are carefully detailed and designed in Exodus 25-31, offering a stark contrast o the rush job of the created image that stands in place of God. In effect, the people are seeking to create what God is already providing. They are blinded by their impatience and by their desire to take control. By creating an image to which they give credit for their deliverance from slavery, they violate one of the very commandments that Moses is delivering to them: their festival becomes an idolatrous orgy eliciting an outraged response from the Lord. It is only when Moses reminds God of his covenantal promise to Abraham that God "changes God's mind" and spares the people.

In the parables of Matthew 22, the King has gone to great trouble preparing a wedding feast for his son, slaughtering enough oxen and fatted calves to feed several hundred people. He sends out invitations and then twice reminds the guests to attend. Not only do the guests refuse, but some of them seize his messengers and kill them. In response, the king sends his troops to burn their city. Then he sends out another invitation requesting that all persons -- the "good" and the "bad" -- be invited to the banquet. The hall is filled, and the party begins. This is one of several parables of judgment spoken by Jesus against the chief priests and Pharisees during the last week of his life. Taking the parable is an allegory, we can see that the king is God, the wedding feast the messianic banquet. The messengers who are killed represent the prophets and early Christian missionaries, and the invitation to the "bad" and "good" is the church's outreach to both gentiles and Jews. Seen in this way, the parable becomes a radical invitation. The table is spread for all to come. Those gathered mm the streets have no reason or right to be there -- except that a gracious king invites them. Jesus is issuing the invitation for all to join him as God's guests in a banquet feast called the kingdom of heaven.

Life in the kingdom is a party where God is the host and all of us rave received a royal invitation. Yet some of us come unprepared, as a second parable reminds us. One guest is improperly dressed, and is thrown out of the banquet -- quite a contrast to the inclusive tone of the previous parable. To wear a wedding garment is to know the significance of the occasion, to allow God's gracious invitation to change our lives, and to live accord-ugly. The dinner guest has received a gift from the king -- the invitation to a joyous, elaborate feast -- to which he has not responded appropriately. When we receive a gift such as salvation or forgiveness, we are called to lives of penitent joyfulness.

All are invited to feast at the table, but not every response is acceptable. We are called to repent in preparation or the party, not because we have to but because we know we are entering into the presence of a gracious, forgiving God. We will be left out if we think hat God's love carries with it no desire or response from us. Though we are often tempted to play the host, these parables together confirm that we reed God to be the host -- not only for the grace-filled invitation to the banquet, but also for the expectation of holy living that God presumes of those a attendance. Grace is amazing, but so God's desire for our response.